How parents are channeling grief
Kabir Kapur
I’m excited to announce a new column, “How parents are channeling grief.” In each piece, we honor one amazing, unique, and irreplaceable soul. How are you channeling your grief and creating meaning? Let us know in the comments or reach out to me at channelinggrief@gmail.com.
I recently had the privilege of speaking with Schena Kinyon about her son, Kabir, who tragically passed away at the young age of 30 on November 26, 2022. Schena wanted to share the story of her remarkable son, a young man who bravely challenged societal expectations and lived a life dedicated to fighting for justice and human connection.
Born in London in 1992, Kabir's journey led him to California at the age of four. From a young age, he displayed an unwavering sense of fairness and a deep compassion for others. These qualities propelled him to study political science at UC Davis and then fully immerse himself in community organizing in the Bay Area.
Kabir became a prominent figure at political protests, fearlessly advocating for the rights of marginalized and oppressed groups. His unwavering commitment to justice led him to join the Richmond Progressive Alliance (RPA), where he made a lasting impact on his community. RPA posted this tribute to Kabir. He always carried the constitution in his back pocket because for him it was imperative to know one's rights and stand up for them when required.
Not fitting the mold
Kabir was a rule-breaker, pushing boundaries, and this led to conflict. Sadly, as a deeply feeling person, Kabir faced mental health challenges. This ultimately led to periods of being unhoused, in part to truly and deeply understand the predicament of humans who’s basic needs are not met in this world. His mother, Schena, recognized his visionary nature, but also acknowledged the difficulties he faced in a world that often struggles to embrace those who challenge the status quo.
Schena loves Glennon Doyle’s description of sensitive people. “Being an intensely sensitive person is like being one of the canaries in the coal mine to alert miners to danger. We are the first to feel things and we feel them more intensely than most.” She likened Kabir to a "canary in a coal mine."
A true friend
A devoted San Francisco Giants fan, Kabir was rarely seen without his signature orange and black attire. He was just as loyal to his friends and family. He would drop everything to offer support. He helped his friend Sharon defend herself from a violent landlord. He came with her to move out. When the landlord showed up, he introduced himself as Sharon’s son. That seemed unlikely. “I’m her son today,” he said. Then he chased her off so Sharon could move out safely. This story highlights Kabir's courage, compassion, and willingness to put himself in harm's way to protect others.
A loss for the community
Kabir died from a massive asthma attack which caused a heart attack and loss of oxygen to his brain. Before Kabir died, his family was able to get the word out on social media. Hundreds of people began streaming into the hospital in Richmond to say goodbye. They drove or flew into town. The hospital, the chaplain, and the staff had never seen anything like it.
Art created as a tribute to Kabir by Alfred Twu
Channeling grief
With the help of a couple of dear family friends - a flower farmer in San Luis Obispo and a South Asian farmer growing ancestral plants in Petaluma, Schena created this beautiful memorial garden in honor of Kabir’s passion for humanity and commitment to community. It features orange and black dahlias and marigolds. Friends and friends of friends donated all the plants and helped her create the garden. Marigolds are featured in many traditional Indian ceremonies, including funerals. The color orange is also a nod to the Giants. Her hope is that members of the community will come and pick flowers in the garden, and it will remind them of the deep need we humans have to connect to the simple things that bring joy to our lives and foster a sense of community, connection and generosity of spirit — all the things that were dear to Kabir’s kind heart.
To Schena, John, Tarika, and Arjun, we offer our deepest condolences.
To learn more about Kabir, visit these links.
Tribute call, attended by over 100 people, and watched by over 1,000
Richmond Progressive Alliance Tribute
